For most parents of a sexual abuse victim, the idea of “dispensing with” the offending party has probably crossed their mind. Usually it is something that crosses your mind some time after the abuse happens. You’ve had time to process the experience and you’ve come to the conclusion that the whole situation SUCKS! You’ve grown frustrated with the wheels of justice and start thinking about alternatives to the situation. It’s a semi-satisfactory fantasy and wishful thinking of the classic triumph of good over evil. We see it in the movies all the time where the bad guy gets it in the end. I guess it’s part of our popular culture. And while most of us might think about it, few of us actually go through with it. And that is probably a good thing for all concerned.
Recently a father in Texas found his 5 year old being sexually abused and beat the man to death on the spot. Most of us have the luxury of finding out about our children’s abuse after the fact. Often we are told by our children so we try to contain our emotions and convince our child that things are going to be ok. Inside we may be screaming in our minds, but on the outside we try to be a calming force. I’m sure watching it happens has an effect on the mind that can’t fully be understood by those of us that only got the details second hand.
What would you do?
I suspect if I had been in his shoes, I would have thrown equally as many punches, and possibly with the same results. The question is what now? The man in question is probably equally mortified by what happened to his daughter and the fact that he killed someone with his bare hands. It’s not the same when it’s not a fantasy. I’ve watched two people die horrible deaths. After 30 years, there is still a part of me that wishes I could have saved them. I can only imagine how I would feel if I was responsible.
I don’t know what is next for this man. My hope is that it is viewed that he was defending his daughter and there will be no further legal actions. I suspect the combination of the two experience will either make the event harder, or possibly give some closure to the event. Or possibly a combination of both. Every case is different. Given time to think about things, I’m sure he would have taken a different approach. But when someone you love is in danger, you do what you need to do. I wish him and his family well in dealing with recent events.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
