There is this cultural icon of the neighborhood bully that we see in movies. He’s usually bigger, poorer, not as smart, etc. and uses what power he has to feel better about himself. The bullying of movies is predictable and there is usually a pivotal confrontation event that resolves things and everyone live happily ever after. Suicide was never part of the story lines in the bullying stories we are used to. Unfortunately things have changed.
Today’s bullying is multi-dimensional. Its usually not one person, it’s packs. They are smart, well educated, and leverage technology to build campaigns against their target. And it doesn’t get resolved in some key moment where David defeats Goliath. It can go on week after week and sometimes into years. This can be overwhelming to a victim.
Double Impact
Sexual abuse victims are often victims of bullying as well. Often times it is the community trying to protect their own sense of trust in the offender. It’s so much easier to make the problem go away and go back to the way things were. It preserves what we believe to be true, even if it happens to be wrong. Other times it is a response by peers to finding out a child has engaged in sexual activities. Girls are often branded as sluts and boys (in same sex contact) are labeled as gay. There are other labels and scenarios depending on the situation, but the point is that they are suddenly faced to fight off an image that they don’t want and isn’t true.
All the more reason for education. Bullying is a big enough problem from normal adolescent interactions. People need to understand what a sexual assault victim has already endured. Maybe if they did there would be a few less cases of bullying out there.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
