Sexual Abuse
One of the illusions we live with is that the people we work with and trust actually deserve that trust. There was recently a story on CNN about a woman in Mississippi who was involved in the gulf cleanup. She was raped by her supervisor who happened to be a convicted sex offender. CNN tried to follow the trail of the various contractors and subcontractors to see if anyone had actually checked. Every agency basically issued a statement saying it wasn’t their responsibility to check backgrounds. It’s sort of ironic that they generally do require a drug test, but do not do any sort of criminal checking.
What About Our Children
The same is true of most people who work with children. There is NO screening for many positions you might expect. For example – in Connecticut if you work at a camp for children, the only screening requirements are for the director and assistant director. And this is just a self disclosure that you have not been convicted of an offense against a child. And people regularly lie and there is nothing to stop them. Child protective agencies often unsuspectingly hire child molesters who lie to get access to children who have been previously abused (because they make easier targets). It usually takes 30-60 days for a background investigation to be completed, and most workers have access to client records beginning on day 1.
Teachers are a specially messy situation. Since not all states have mandatory reporting regulations, reporting of abuse by teachers is often discretionary. Often times the teacher will agree to resign and that is the end of it. They often pack up and move before any legal action is taken. And based on employment law, someone checking references can only be told that the person was employed by XYZ and the dates.
So don’t take for granted that the people who are spending time with your children deserve your trust. Ask questions and check your assumptions.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
Sometime after you get a grasp on life after your child discloses their sexual abuse, you should start looking for a therapist. Don’t go over board. You will get lots of recommendations. We listened to what we were told and did everything. Therapy for our daughter, individual therapy for each of us, couples therapy and family therapy. We actually got to a point where our therapy sessions were conflicting with one another. They also conflicted on other levels. Different people will tell you different things. You can have too much of a good thing. There have also been studies that have shown that therapy can be harmful in many cases as well. Dredging up repressed memories can often do more harm than good. You situation will vary so it’s important to educate yourself and have input into the treatment options for your family.
Things to pay attention to
All psychologists and therapists are not created equally. Try to find someone who specializes in children’s sexual abuse issues. Even just finding a child therapist may not do the trick. Some will immediately want to jump to ADD /ADHD medication options. Do some research before you go down this path. In many cases it just masks symptoms.
Check out the facilities where therapy will take place. Many therapist who specialize in child sexual abuse will have areas of their office setup specific ways. Some children want to be able to keep their back to a wall, others may want to surround themselves with stuffed animals, And some may want to look out the window at flowers. There are lots of variations in preference that may be difference depending on the nature of the abuse.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
As long as there have been differences in power between people, there has been sexual abuse. This manifests itself in different ways in different cultures but the end result is the same. The way we stop it is to give people power, by giving them information. Sexual abuse is something that exists in an environment of ignorance. The more people know about what sexual abuse is, and what it isn’t, the more likely it will be decreased for future generations.
So what are some ways we can change differences in power?
Educate Women
– it’s not as obvious a problem in the developed world but it still an issue. Educating woman around the world reduces sexual abuse, poverty, and over population. Here in the U.S. encouraging girls to play competitive sports, take science and math, and go to college all help change the balance of power.
Teach kids to say NO
– while this sounds counter intuitive to everything a parent wants to hear, learning to say no is important to protecting children and it is a good skill for time management later in life. Being able to say NO to people, for a variety of reasons, gives you more control over your life. Being able to say no to adults may protect your child from being sexually abused.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
Roman Polanski has beaten the system again. The Swiss government has decided to let him go free rather than extradite him to the US. So is this a good thing or a bad thing? He’s a 30 year fugitive who was convicted of a sex crime against a 13 year old. In a perfect world he would have gone to prison, but instead he fled the country and has been living a life of luxury ever since. It doesn’t seem fair. So who is the winner in this decision? You could make an argument that the winner in this decision is actually the victim.
Letting Go
Long ago her family settled a civil suit and she doesn’t want to have to relive the abuse in front of the media. Sometimes it is better to just let it go. You can’t always win in court, but being able to live beyond the abuse is definitely a win. If the LA District Attorney really wants to make this a victory, they should put the money they would have spent on a new trial towards educating the public on sexual abuse.
Sexual Abuse
Recently Delaware made headlines as a result of a doctor who had raped and molested over 100 children. There were numerous complaints over the years. Well once it made it to CNN, the victims came forward in droves. The Delaware legislature has responded by creating one of the most comprehensive laws in dealing with professional sexual exploitation.
Elements of the Bradley law:
- Physicians seeking to obtain or renew a license must disclose all previous investigations into their behavior.
- The medical disciplinary board can force hospitals and other healthcare institutions to release records of previous investigations.
- All hearings of the medical board involving alleged misconduct must be held in public.
- Doctors accused of improper behavior won’t be able to learn the identity of the person(s) making the complaint.
- The medical board can expedite suspensions when there is a threat to the public.
- Every doctor must be fingerprinted. The medical board must conduct a criminal background check every 6 months.
- A chaperone must be present when a child under 15 is at least partially disrobed for an exam. Parents and caretakers must be informed of this requirement.
- The medical board can suspend or revoke a physician’s license for failing to report suspected misconduct by a colleague.
- The medical board can receive verbal complaints as well as written complaints.
- Physicians, police and prosecutors must take have training in recognizing and reporting child abuse.
- The medical boards 7 (out of 16) non-physician members may have a healthcare background.
- A healthcare provider can be sued for healthcare abuse of a child any time after the act, instead of the current 2-year statute of limitations.
If the laws in your state are lacking, here is a good model to bring to your legislator of choice.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
One of the things that is attributed to abuse within the catholic church is an unhealthy sexual attitude. This is a complicated argument. On the one side abuse is largely about power, it is also an acting out of fantasies. Most of the roles within the catholic church are amongst other things, based on a system of repressed sexual desires. With repression come fantasization, and all too often it manifests itself as abuse.
Repression
The other side of the coin is the recurring sexual attitude in many Christian teachings that sex is bad, dirty, etc. A lot of this goes back to some of the early traditions of repressing pagan traditions which embraced sexuality. Condemning sex was also a way of controlling the role of women within the early church. Sex became something that was not spoken in the positive sense.
Put these two together and you end up with a system which facilitates abuse, that is then not spoken of. This allows it to continue as a vicious cycle. Removing celibacy as part of the priest/nun tradition would help promote healthier attitudes about sex. But abuse is ultimately about power, so it might help certain aspects, but it wouldn’t fix the overall problem. Better attitudes about sex, and open discussion about sex, and specifically open discussion about sexual abuse is what we need.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
