The challenges of being a parent who’s child has been sexually abused go on for a very, very, very long time. Clothing sizes and hair color are likely to change in the process. You’ve probably said “I can’t do this anymore” on more than one occasion. But then you wake up the next day and deal with the next batch of challenges. Chances are that you haven’t hit the breaking point yet.
One of my favorite movies is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. There is a scene where the priest tunnels into Edward’s cell for the first time. Edward hasn’t seen another human in years and has started to lose his mind. In an awkward introduction, he simply states that the number of stones in his cell and that he has counted them many times. To which the priest replies, “Yes – but have you named them yet?”. Edward breaks down at this point and begins his transformation.
Real World
Several years ago I met several of the Iran hostages. One of the men said he got in the habit of talking to his watch. His captors were convinced they had radios of some sort. He did this to try and screw with them. Instead he realized that the cameras that were pointed at them around the clock weren’t actually working. On a regular basis the hostages were taken into a freezer, stripped, and forcefully interrogated. One day one of the men had enough and told his captors to simply kill him and he wasn’t going to answer any more questions. They didn’t kill him and that was the last time anyone was taken to the freezer.
There is a moment between insanity and clarity where something breaks the cycle of your thoughts. Your brain can reboot and things start working again. I wish there was a magic formula for getting there. Sadly facing death is a common element for many people. It’s sort of a cliche but that which does not kill you does make you strong.
If you have simply given up, chances are that most of your tomorrows will be a reflection of today. If instead you keep pushing ahead and challenging what is holding you back, you have a chance to break through. It will probably be the hardest thing you do in your life. But once you have dealt with an impossible situation, a world of possibilities open up to you.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
