Having your child be sexually abused definitely throws a wrench in your life. You will have a loss of energy. Your relationships will be impacted. And social situations are likely to become challenging. When you find yourself feeling that way, here’s a quote and video to put things in perspective.
When life gives you a wheelchair, go find a skate park.
Aaron Fotheringham – the first person confined to a wheelchair to complete a double backflip
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
It might not be those exact words but most parents dealing with their child’s sexual abuse will be confronted with someone questioning their judgement, actions, etc. at some point in the process. This is exactly what happened recently during the lawsuit against the Boy Scouts of America over sexual abuse of scouts. The president Eugene Grant testified regarding the victim that “his parents should have known better.”
Hind sight is always 20/20. It’s really easy to beat yourself up over what was actually happening once you know the truth. When someone questions you in this situation, it’s generally not that they are wiser than you, or that they know you did something wrong. They are actually protecting themselves. It’s another way of saying “this could not have happened to me”. And as anyone who has had their child molested will probably tell you, that’s probably what they were thinking right up until they found out it wasn’t true. If you operate under the assumption that it can’t happen to you, when it does happen to someone else, the logical conclusion is that it was somehow their fault.
Not so fast
The reality is that it can happen to anyone. There’s about a 1-10000 chance of being involved in a shooting at school. But almost every school plans for it and educates kids about what to do in a “code red” . Depending on gender, there is an average 1 in 5 chance that a child will suffer some form of sexual abuse by the time they are 18. You would think schools or some group would be all over that trying to reduce the risk. No one wants to talk about it, and as such the idea that “it can’t happen to me” lives on.
Sexual abuse is largely about manipulation and deception so there will always be people who are taken advantage of. But the more we can educate people about the problem, the less likely it is that it will continue on the same scale in the future. People actually do need to know better, not just be told that they should have.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
