Sexual Abuse
We’ve all had stressful job interviews. For some it’s the questions, for others it is the waiting. And every few years it’s the expectations of a billion people for you to lead them. It’s currently just over 30 days from when the Vatican says we will have a new Pope. I’m not Catholic but I still find the process interesting. And as a parent dealing with sexual abuse of a child, I see the Pope as having more potential to do something about the problem of child sexual abuse by priests than anyone else on the planet. So the question is will the next Pope live up to that potential?
As with any job interview, the decision isn’t left to the masses. Many people think because we vote for President that those millions of votes are what matters, but in reality it is this strange thing called the Electoral College. So in reality the voters that matter could fit in a typical gymnasium. The process with selecting a Pope is a much more secretive process known as Conclave. In either case it comes down to whether the needs and values of those voting are met by a particular candidate.
What is the church looking for?
So what will be Conclave be looking for in the new Pope? The Catholic Church , perhaps more than any other organization, has a history of protecting itself as an institution as a first priority. The current Pope has spent most of his tenure watching a series of lawsuits unfolding from decades of sexual abuse. Many say that this is the actual reason he is stepping down.
The problems of the church are two big and should be left to a younger man. I don’t know if this is actually true, but I would have liked to have heard that as reason. To be fair, I don’t think this is an unrealistic expectation for a Pope. They are supposed to be a spiritual leader, not the leader of a legal team. Be that as it may, such is the likely role for the next Pope. The question is will he focus on transparency and cleaning house, or will he be looking for a rug big enough to sweep all of this under. Again, a lot will depend on what the members of Conclave are looking for.
So much like our Electoral College, there is an expectation that members represent the views of those who sent them there. So if you are communicating with your local Bishop maybe you could suggest the following three things:
- The next Pope must make the Catholic Church once again a safe place for children
- The next Pontiff must find a way to let past sexual abuse by priests victims get closure
- The Pope must purge the church of abuser priests
Then maybe he can get back to the business of being Pope.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
The Catholic church needs to get clearer on who it serves. The latest story out of the Philadelphia area has 21 priests suspended and as many as 37 additional with credible sexual abuse allegations remaining in active ministry positions. There are too many mixed messages coming from the Catholic Church. They come out and condemn abuse by priests, but at the same time seem to spend an equal if not larger amount of energy protecting the church entity. Does the church serve itself, or is the church in service to millions who believe in the Catholic Church? The reality is often both, and this is where the problem lies.
Protect the Catholic Church
I’m not an expert in Papal Law but from what I have read, much of it is geared toward protecting the institution of the church. This is changing so they do get points for that, but it seem to get used at the convenience of church, and often to the disadvantage of it’s most vulnerable members. The church needs to adopt a zero tolerance for abuse policy. Immediate removal from service during any period of investigation, and permanent removal from the church for any convictions. I’m sure I’m missing the finer points, and conditions for circumstances, etc. but you get the point. They need to be specific so everyone knows what their position is. There is way to much ambiguity betweens words and actions in the Catholic Church. This just leaves the public wondering who their church serves, and eventually leads to a church which serves no one.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
What if there were more woman priests? Clergy of all denominations are included in the ranks of sexual offenders, but the Catholic Church has a unique characteristic which also magnifies the issue. It is an gender specific organization. Gender exclusive organizations such as fraternities, gentleman’s clubs, sports teams, some military units, etc. often exhibit behaviors that would not exist in a co-ed environment. Integration of woman, as equals, in any organization provides balance which might not exist otherwise. So why not have women priests?
Accountability
The executive director of the Women’s Ordination Conference had an answer to the problem of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. “We believe that if women had a say in the church, if there was more accountability and more transparency, [then] the men would have been held more accountable.”
This is one of those changes that would be good for other reasons as well. Unfortunately, like many things that make sense. They take far to long to implement.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
Can you imagine seeing the following:
The surgeon general warns that contact with certain religious leaders may result in unwanted sexual abuse.
Even if something like this did exist, it would probably get about the same attention as the warning on cigarettes.
So lets dial back the clock about 50 years to the corporate offices of cigarette maker X. You’ve just gotten the first research reports back that says your product is addictive, dangerous to children in the form of second hand smoke, and causes cancer. So naturally you stop making your product, make a public apology and arrange for medical treatment and compensation for those affected. Well we all know the scenario played out differently.
Details when the Vatican was first aware of the problem in their midst are a little less clear. But the pattern of response is similar – ignore the problem, try to cover it up, use the legal system to silence victims, and wait until you are sued to begin responding.
If Only…
Hindsight is always twenty twenty. So is the response appropriate to the time? If we take a lesson from Star Trek, “The good of the many outweighs the good of the few” . I’m sure this was the logic that led to the responses of both organizations. It’s a comforting axiom which often covers for bad decision making. Like most decision making, it gets better through education. Today kids no longer have unrestricted access to cigarettes based on a more educated public. The religious community is starting to take steps to undo years of un-enlightened decision making. Perhaps in a few years our children will be safer from the danger of abuse as well.
Sexual Abuse
Knowing but not doing anything about it is the latest banner of guilt capturing public interest. “Pope Benedict XVI failed to act over complaints during the 1990s about a priest in the US who is thought to have abused some 200 deaf boys, victims say.” The public cries out “how could you have ignored this problem?”. The sad truth is it happens every day – it just doesn’t make it to the front page of CNN. It is a systematic failure to act.
So where is the problem here? Taking a quote from Star Trek – “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one”. Just as that logic was shown to be flawed in the TV show, the same is true here on planet Earth. It’s easy to rationalize that serving a larger population sometimes means not dealing with “smaller problems” . Especially when it’s a topic that no one wants to talk about in the first place. Much like the problem of sexual abuse itself, the actions of the people dealing with it, often exist out of a lack of education. So do we blame people for their ignorance, or educate them? There’s an enlighted answer, but the reality is that blame solicits the most emotional response and plays better for the media. Blame can be done in an instant – education takes time.
System Failures
As a parent dealing with your child’s sexual abuse, you will probably find yourself dealing with several agencies or individuals who failed to act. There were a couple that really annoyed me. First was the public safety licensing person that pencil whipped an inspection I requested because she was tired of me calling about the status. The other was the school superintendent that told us we couldn’t discuss the subject with our child’s teachers unless we got a subpoena – and the offender wasn’t even associated with the school.
There’s a saying that given the choice between maliciousness and incompetence – assume incompetence. Failure to act often falls into the later area. Conspiracies play better for the media, but most times it comes down to people not having the wisdom that the generation that will follow them is likely to have. Concepts like slavery and racial purity have all been popular themes in some culture in the not too distant past. By people’s decisions to act they have largely disappeared. My hope is that an awareness of sexual abuse will cause more people to act. It may dramatically reduce it in our lifetime. For now, there continues to be those that we rely on that fail to act. And for the majority that simply made decisions that seemed right for the time, my hope is that the media attention will serve as an education for better decisions in the future.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
