Sexual Assault
Making a Murderer is a documentary about Steven Avery that took 10 years to make. Steven spent 18 years in prison for a sexual assault that he was later found not to have committed. Shortly after being released he was rearrested for murder and is currently serving life in prison. Steven was never a model citizen, but it’s pretty obvious from the documentary that Steven not only did not receive fair treatment by the courts, but he may have been set up by the local police.
While the documentary is clearly slanted in favor of Steven Avery, it is an eye opening look into what can go wrong with the legal system.
It’s about a conviction
Most people think that interrogations are about getting to the truth. The reality is that most interrogation techniques are about getting to a confession. In a perfect world they would one and the same. Several factors can make them diverge. Police are under pressure to close cases and once you have a confession, why would you look further? Unfortunately a skilled interrogator and less than skilled suspect can often lead to a confession regardless of guilt. Jurors think confessions are an admission of guilt. In many cases it is an example of someone telling their interrogator what they want to hear because they think they are helping themselves.
The opposite can be equally problematic. Police often question victims the same way. They ask leading questions that solicit specific responses. It can have an almost hypnotic effect on both victims and suspects. If you have ever seen a hypnotist walk up to someone and just start talking to them and within a few seconds the person is giving him their wallet and car keys, you have seen how easily people can be manipulated. In the case of police it’s generally not intentional, but the combination of distraction and language can result in behaviors that wouldn’t happen otherwise.
It’s the law
When something bad happens we think that the victims will get justice and the bad guys will be punished. The Steven Avery case shows a legal case that doesn’t make a lot of sense to the viewing audience. What seems blatantly obvious to the casual observer seems to be completely ignored by the legal system. What might follow proper procedures legally doesn’t always make sense. Lawyers pick and choose what evidence they want to use in court. Juries get confused by instructions. Evidence can be mishandled and sometimes tampered with. And sometimes the legal system does what it is supposed to do, but it still doesn’t do what is right.
Lessons learned
Educate yourself about the legal process. There are no guarantees, but the more you know about what should happen the better your chances of getting justice.
If you are giving a statement, try to give it to a person who is properly trained. Victims often are able to request the venue where they give a statement. Police are often either not trained in proper victim interview technique, or they are trained to interrogate. This can lead to undesirable outcomes. Most child advocacy centers and domestic violence organizations have access to qualified interviewers. Interviews can be coordinated with police, video taped, and observed.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
Some court documents about Bill Cosby giving drugs to women in the 60s and 70s recently came to light. We tend to look at past events sometimes through today’s lenses when it suits our purposes. These are sins of the past. Imagine sex and drugs in the 60s – shocking! So does giving women drugs and having sex with them = drugging women and having sex with them? Alcohol and drugs are often part of many sexual experiences. The same elements in different contexts will lead you to different conclusions about what the circumstances were. Add the media to these types of events and the spin is in whatever direction gets the most ratings.
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Sexual Abuse
Josh Duggar brings a new media spin on sexual abuse. Is he a child molester, is he a child who molested, or is he something different? The media spotlight is an interesting thing. It can bring things to light that need to be addressed. They can also present something in a context that makes it bigger than it is. Here we have shown a light on an unusually large family that happens to have (had) a TV show that turns out to have a family secret that puts them on par with about 1 in 5 American families. While I’ve never liked the phrase “inappropriate touching”, child molester doesn’t fit every situation either.
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Sexual Assault
Bill Cosby and rape are two subjects that most people would not ever combine in the same sentence. Bill Cosby is a legend – the ultimate TV father figure. How can he be a rapist? So far no legal entity has even accused him of rape not to mention finding him guilty. Still more than a dozen women say otherwise, and social media has tried and convicted him. Once someone is labeled as a rapist, it is very hard to wash off that label even when it’s not true.
“She’s a Witch”
In colonial times the label of Witch was a mark from which there was often no escape. The science of discovering a witch was also very interesting. Hold them underwater long enough and if they survive, they are a witch and then you burn them or hang them. If they didn’t survive – well it’s still ok because you can’t be too sure about these things. So what prompted the charges in the first place? Theory has it that some of the behavior said to be caused by the witches was actually caused by moldy grain. Some of this can be ascribed to hysteria and mob mentality, but for some it was probably a tool. Feel your relationship is threatened by someone – just call her a witch and the mob will do the rest for you. Interested in a piece of property that the owner won’t sell – just call them a Witch and there will be a for sale sign in no time. Or perhaps you had sex with someone you weren’t supposed to and people found out. Clearly demonic possession gives you the out and public sympathy you were looking for. The witch label clearly doesn’t have the weight that it used to 300 years ago, but rapist has about the same effect.
The Power of the Label
Over the years I’ve worked with a few people who have been convicted of crimes. One gentleman was convicted of murder, got off on a technicality and got his old job back. He may as well have been on a vacation based on how he was treated when he returned. Another did a few years for securities fraud and was openly welcomed back into the fold. In contrast the guy who was drugging and raping women in the office, he’s almost due for release but I can guarantee he won’t be welcome anywhere near his former office. I think you would find this scenario played out just about anywhere. I never felt uncomfortable around either of the first two after their release. Contestant #3 I would never want to deal with again. I think most people would have the same reaction. The problem is that we tend to have the same reaction regardless of guilt.
The First to Come Forward
The first person to come forward in a sexual assault case has an enormous amount of power and responsibility. With children, it’s rare that someone makes up charges of sexual abuse (with the exception of parental abuse charges during custody disputes). With adults it isn’t always as clear. The problem is that in those rare cases where motives are less than honorable, it clouds all of the legitimate cases out there. As a culture we are still emerging from a mindset that often paints women as temptresses and men their victims. It’s been ingrained into us since our first bible teachings about Adam and Eve. Most people have heard about an instance and heard something to the effect of “well – what does she expect with the way she dresses”. As absurd as that is, a lot of people nod and chock it up to being her fault.
Coming forward takes a huge amount of courage largely because some variation of these social reactions is likely to confront the victim. If you get robbed, no one questions whether you should have been carrying so much money around and assumes it was partially your fault. In sexual assaults there is almost some degree of blame put on the victims for something. As a culture we are starting to wake up and realize that isn’t true, but it’s still an uphill battle for any victim. Being the first to come forward all eyes are going to be on you. If you follow through with police reports and investigations it adds to your credibility and may empower others to stand up as well. In the case of child sexual assault, when someone is arrested the first time, it’s estimated that some have had as many as 75 other victims that didn’t come forward. Adult sexual assault victims are typically not as high, but if you are a victim, you probably aren’t the first.
If your police report is quickly closed and followed by an undisclosed out of court settlement, it brings question of motives. On the other hand, a criminal trial followed by a civil suit generally brings support. Neither view is always correct. Having been through both the criminal and civil legal systems with this, the only winners are the lawyers. I can see why someone might take a settlement rather than spend years fighting to get justice. Much like civil rights 50 years ago, I think it’s important for victims to stand up so that the extent of the problem can be realized. But this is an individual choice for everyone who has been a victim. We can’t judge a victim just based on how they handle the reporting of their abuse. I will say in most cases, the first to come forward is generally followed by several others
What about Bill
So this brings us back to Bill Cosby. He’s a prominent public figure who is beloved by generations of people. He’s also admitted to past marital indiscretions and he has the money to make problems go away. Can 12 women be wrong? or are they seeking a quick buck? Some of the allegations go back 30 years but no one has seen them as worthy of court action. 30 years ago most sexual abuse went unreported and unprosecuted. So what do you do about it now?
A few years ago after a local pediatrician died, the people who bought his house were renovating and found a secret compartment in the wall that had thousands of pictures of children. People came forward in droves for the lawsuit against the local hospital. There had been some unsubstantiated allegations over the years, but most people thought the world of the doctor. People aren’t always what they appear.
It’s hard to know if Bill Cosby deserves our support or condemnation. We know he’s not perfect, but based on the roles he has played, we have put him on a pedestal of what the ideal dad should be. Invariably, people on pedestals become targets. It’s hard to know if that is what happened here. What Bill Cosby does deserve is to not be tried and convicted by the media in the name of ratings. Conversely women who claim to be victims should have a path to file complaints legally and have them followed through by competent police and/or lawyers. CNN is not the place to tell the world you were raped by a celebrity without having a solid legal trail leading up to it.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
Sexual Abuse
The military has a lot of traditions. Many are good and serve a purpose, other’s – not so much. Sexual abuse in the military is one of them. I spent 8 years in the military and I’ve seen my share of both. Clearly things haven’t improved much in the 15 years since I got out. I find it interesting during the recent Senate hearings watching the top brass express their outrage at the situation. My experience is that senior officers are often the worst offenders. Not to color all the brass with the same brush, but when abuse is happening at the lower levels, it doesn’t get much attention. Sexual abuse and sexual discrimination by senior officers is much more visible, and in some cases blatant. Everybody knows, but no one talks.
Beautiful Girls
Most women like to be appreciated for their brains rather than their bodies. But the reality is that beautiful girls tend to get extra attention. The military is no different. Occasionally things go beyond that. I remember one new airman that joined our unit. I think she was supposed to be admin support, but she could easily have been a model. Within 2 weeks of her being assigned, a senior officer happened to see her and she was reassigned to the General’s staff. I don’t know what ever happened to her, but there was no official reason for her to be reassigned.
You would also see trends in General’s executive officers. The percentage of attractive 30 something blonds in these roles was well above statistical average. The same was true for jet pilots who flew General officers around. Most people who have been in the military have similar examples from their own experience. In many ways, you might see similar examples in the corporate world. Some of the main differences related to sexual abuse come in how things are handled, when things go beyond some referential treatment.
Commander’s Discretion
Usually when someone reports sexual harassment, sexual abuse, or similar issues, the base Inspector General will refer the issue to the unit commander for further investigation. The Commander in turn will typically assign a Captain or Major as the investigating officer. They are given authority to take statements, interview witnesses, and gather evidence.
I had to do this once in my career. Most people are afraid to talk to you, and if they do they usually don’t want their statements traced back to them. So you usually end up interviewing extra people just so the people who have information aren’t singled out. It usually takes a couple of weeks, and then you put together a formal report and return it to the Commander for further review/action. The Commander then provides a response to the Inspector General about whether anything was found and whether further action is necessary.
The problem here is that there is no requirement for the paperwork from the investigation to go the IG. And many times it doesn’t. I was ordered to submit all copies of the report to the Commander and to shred all working papers. I never learned the outcome, but I suspect the report ended in the shredder as well.
Once something becomes an official investigation, even in the case of a court martial, the ranking officer in charge has a final say in the matter. So even a formal finding of guilt can be vacated through Commander’s discretion. Such is the fate of all to many military sexual assault victims.
Fix the Problem (Translation – Make the Problem Go Away)
There are a lot of video clips this week of senior military leaders saying that the problem needs to be fixed immediately. The issue is that the problem isn’t getting worse, it is that victims are feeling more comfortable coming forward. Typically only about 15% of cases are reported. If you get up to 30% it suddenly looks like an epidemic to the outside world. Most people won’t see that aspect. We think all crimes are reported, and with sexual assault the opposite is true.
In the early stages, the more you educate, the greater the increase in the number of reported cases. People don’t know how to deal with this apparent opposite reaction. The easiest way to get the numbers to go down is to stop asking if there is a problem. It’s counter intuitive and it’s also counter productive. Unfortunately it is likely to happen. Senior military leaders need to educate those at all levels that this is the path to fixing the problem. During that time, they are going to need thick skins and provide a safe environment for all victims to come forward.
Steps Forward
I don’t know if the top brass will be able to create the enlightened environment they need so they can weather the storm until numbers actually start to drop. Removal of Commanders discretion is a big step forward. The days of abuse investigation files being tossed in a drawer or a shredder will quickly come to an end.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
