Last week Jerry Sandusky was officially sentenced and the letters to the court from Jerry and Dottie Sandusky were publicized. Basically they blamed the system and labeled everyone who testified against them as liars. Anyone who has testified against an abuser has heard the same thing. Having read similar letters, they seem to have a similar tone. They have sort of a memoiresque quality to them, as if they were written for an audience. It’s not an appeal, it’s more of a narration of events. It’s not until you get to the end he says something curious, “I know in my heart, I didn’t do these disgusting act.” When was the last time you heard that type of phrasing? Imagine if your child told you, “I know in my heart, I did not eat the cookie.” It sounds even stranger when you try to use it in a different context. I basically read this as they are things that go against everything he believes in, and he can’t reconcile himself that he is responsible.
Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
This logic plays itself out in virtually every high profile abuse case. Prominent men, dedicated to kids and the community, are doing things that go against everything they stand for in the public eye. The public can’t reconcile it, and logically it shouldn’t be true, so calling victims liars makes perfect sense. It’s basic logic – I do good things, these are bad things, therefore I could not have done them. By the same token you can say I like to go south in the winter, birds go south in the winter, therefore I must be a bird. It looks obviously stupid when you see it on paper, but watching it play out in real life or in a court room isn’t as clear. Sexual abuse is about deception in a series of relationships that we want to be able to trust. We want our world to make sense and when things don’t make sense we revert to the simplest answer that does makes sense. And whether that is something we tell ourselves, or tell the world, just because it makes sense logically doesn’t make it true.
Let us know if we can help you dealing with your family’s sexual abuse victim situation. For ideas to get started please check out our book on what to do during the early days after disclosure.
